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TED'S BOOKSHELF
Former CNN Prez 20 Years Later
(288 pgs, $20.00)
ORDER
60 Minutes Chief Speaks Out
(288 pgs, $20.80)
ORDER
 |
THE
BLITZER
BONANZA
What's in a howl?
Guess correctly the number of times the word
'wolf' is mentioned on CNN and win an extra week
of severance pay. (Clue: Don't overlook
those environmental packages).
ENTER
NOW! |
 |
Tuck
Swipes at O'Reilly
"Only
masochists would go on his show - or watch
it." He added, "He wrote a book
- right? - one with, eh, big words."
...RELATED NEWS
"How about this, bow-tie boy, I'm
wiping the back of your front in the ratings...
tie that one on you would-be conservative,
boy-tie boy!"
[ MORE O'REILLY]
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CNN
OPTS FOR THE PRIDE OF BEAVER
|
(Beaver, Pa.) She got game! Survivor
queen Amber gets new deal at CNN as political
analyst. "I just hope I can make
Beaver proud." |
Tiffani Wants In
Tiffani Amber Thiessen wants
to be part of the CNN news team. "The way
they're letting people go, I would think my experience
on "Saved By the Bell" and one episode of
"News Radio" would qualify me."
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April, 2001
|
TED'SUPDATE -
"The Spank
Room" |
Join our live chat-room where you can talk it up with
other Teds
|
(
LOCATED AT BOTTOM OF PAGE... NO PASSWORD
NEEDED... JUST SIGN IN ) |
|
 CNN
Tells Competition to "Jag"-off
Network
Poised To Offer "For Entertainment Purposes
Only" Disclaimer on Newscasts
(Atlanta,
Ga.) For more than 15 years her specialty
has been portraying fictional characters on
television, and for CNN, that was right up their
alley. Beginning in June, actress Andrea
Thompson, whose most recent TV roles were as Det.
Jill Kirkendall on "NYPD Blue," and as
Cmdr. Allison Krennick on "JAG," will
join the anchor-reporter squad at CNN, after a
very brief stint with New Mexico station, KRQE,
her first news job.
"I think I was watching the
news and thought, I should be doing this,"
Thompson said. And done it she has. Last August, Thompson
contributed to a compelling investigative report
by the market 49 Albuquerque station, on how a moving
company held her furniture for ransom.
And Carl Rochelle questions why
he's unemployed
With stellar television and film
credits such as "Captain Simian & The
Space Monkeys," "Baywatch,"
"Silk Stalkings: Meat Market," and
"A Gun, A Car, A Blonde," Thompson's
resume was impressive enough to beat out the
numerous veteran CNN correspondents which were
laid off in January. According to one CNN
exec, "And she has a pair of salutes to die
for."
And they should know.
CelebrityNudeNetwork
When asked whether viewers would
question the credibility of a CNN
anchor-reporter who has posed nude
in the past,
that same exec offered, "Are you joking, do
you think she got the job based on her
experience?" He added, "Our viewers rely
on full disclosure by CNN... we wouldn't think
of holding that against her... Andrea of course
could hold it against us if she would
like."
Thompson's take on the nudity and
credibility question: ""The average intelligent viewer has no trouble separating reality from
entertainment," she said.
One possible exception, Turner Broadcasting boss Jamie
Kellner, who has promised to spice up CNN by
luring Hollywood celebrities to deliver the news
and renaming it, Celebrity News Network.
"The brilliance behind
Kellner's plan to celebritize the network,"
one indusrty expert said, "will be evident
the next time CNN blows a story... they'll have
the built-in excuse that their reporter's are in
fact, not journalists. The same
reasoning they've used for years whenever Larry
King tanks a report."
CNN spokesman Matt Furman summed
up Thompson's hiring this way, "She's a very good reporter who has the respect of her colleagues in the newsroom," Furman said. "CNN has always been about serious journalism, and her hiring reflects that."
Furman dodged questions on why
dozens of veteran, field-tested correspondents
that had NOT posed
nude were fired in January.
To his credit, Furman made the
announcement with a straight face, even as two
longshoremen with a pipe wrench tried to crank
down the laugh track.
While ratings may not be up at CNN,
with Thompson on board, other things are bound
to be-- at least with male viewers. In the
spirit of balanced coverage, female fans may get
their own slice of heaven as well. Rumor
has it that CNN is in talks with Wolf Blitzer
and Larry King on pairing up for a bare-all photo shoot as
well.
Care to welcome Andrea to the world
of real journalism (or, offer up your opinion on
her, eh, stuff)-- drop her a line at andrea.thompson@krqe.com
MORON
CNN'S LATEST FIND
|
 Tina
Still Wins Even as Teds Tanks Colby Call
(Atlanta,
Ga) TedsTurnovers.com screwed the pooch
with
their prediction on the order in which the
remaining "Survivor" Outbackers would
be ousted. Immunity King
Colby Donaldson survived, while Barramundi Babe
Elisabeth Filarski got the hook. Despite
that annoying little wrinkle, Teds is sticking
by its guns on the final outcome, which has Tina
Wesson as the last survivor standing.
However, heads could roll at Teds.
"This kind of thing is
completely unacceptable," Ted said.
"We'd can our source on this story
immediately if it wasn't for two very
significant things-- this individual is already
unemployed, and, it's their turn to buy the beer
for the month of May."
The door for the media to report
the final results however, is still open. Unless CNN or other news
agencies jump on it, audiences will have
to wait until next week to learn that forty
year-old Knoxville nurse and Matchbox 20 fan
Tina Wesson outlasted the other Outbacker's, and
picked up the $1-million dollar prize.
News of the show's climax was
leaked by a number of Hollywood writers,
reported to be outraged over Executive Producer
Mark Burnett's decision to employ non-union
staff members in the production of
"Survivor II."
Three weeks ago, the group of Burnett
bashers revealed the order in which the
remaining five survivors were to be bumped from the
broadcast. April 19th loser-- Survivor
senior, Rodger Bingham - they got that one
right. Next to go, Texas
native, Colby Donaldson, followed by washboard
tummied Filarski. That of course, did not
happen. Apparently Colby got a much needed
boost of energy from the cuddle session with his
mommy in the back of his new SUV. That was
enough to carry Colby through the final immunity
challenge, and cut the legs out from under Teds
prediction.
However, we will learn next week
that chef Kieth Famie and Wesson (the contestant, NOT the
oil)-- will square off for the $1-million dollar
prize, where Famie will lose in a close vote by the
jury of Survivor has-beens.
According to Ted, "If it
doesn't happen that way, we will offer our
viewers an alternative to the blacked-out
Timothy McVeigh execution by beheading our
"Survivor" source online-- after they
buy the beer, of course."
The networks are said to be
over the same barrel as CNN on whether to
submarine CBS's ratings hog by reporting the
outcome. "Everyone wants to do
it," one exec said, "it will just come
down to who has the guts to do it first."
He added, "No one wants to suffer the kind
of embarrassment Teds has by being wrong."
"Like we say here," Ted
said, "no guts, no retraction."
|
Remaining
Cast In Order of Their Disappearance
(Amended Following Screw-Up) |
 |
 |
 |
 |
|
Rodger
Bingham
April 19 |
Elisabeth
Filarski
April 26 |
Colby
Donaldson
May 3 |
Keith
Famie
Finalist Loser |
|
NEWS
FROM THE "JUST KIDDING" FILE |
 Prankster
Hemmer Sees The Door and Clams Up
(Atlanta,
Ga) Recent negotiations between "CNN
Tonight" anchor Bill Hemmer and
network execs lasted longer than
expected according to one source,
"because there was too much laughter."
Hemmer, who threatened to leave the network, quickly
changed his tune when execs asked
whether his ultimatum was a belated
April Fools gag. Just four months
ago, and amid network-wide layoffs,
Hemmer was rewarded with his own show,
"and since then," one producer
said, "the size of his head is
inversely proportional to the ratings of
his show. He seems to think he's
the next Larry King." Hemmer
would need at least seven more wives to
even begin qualifying for that title.
"He should just
shut the hell up and remember his show's
ratings are about the same as the price
of a mouse turd," the source
said. |
|
SIDEBAR
 With
so much programming movement apparent at
CNN, Las Vegas is poised to get into the
act. Later this month, several
books there will begin posting a line on
the survival of various CNN programs,
and personalities. Stay
tuned.
|
|
| NEWS
FROM THE SELFLESS FILES ... |
 Christiane
Amanpour
(Taken
from April 2001 issue of "Brill's
Content")
Regarding
the "shrinking news hole" at
CNN:
"And while it is a struggle (to
get foreign news on), I'm finding that
my stuff, at least, is being
played."
IN
RELATED NEWS>
Amanpour's
recent "60 Minutes" report
that aired March 18, contained 22 shots
of the reporter during the 14 minute
piece. |
 Jeff
Greenfield
(Taken
from April 2001 issue of "Brill's
Content")
Regarding
cutbacks at CNN and new direction the
network is taking:
"You can be optimistic or you
can be pessimistic... I would not have
agreed to re-up with CNN if I thought
they were going to take this network
south with it... If I look up in several
months and it turns out I was wrong,
I'll go somewhere else."
Begging the question...
if a new show fails, who gets the credit
for that-- the host, or someone else? |
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What They Said
- What They Meant |
"This
is a one-time, big layoff event... This place is
all about growth, growth, growth."
Phil Kent, President, CNN
"We assured Ted emphatically
there would be no lessening of our commitment to
quality."
Tom Johnson, Chmn., CNN
"The people Fox reaches are more loyal
and stay longer."
Reese Schonfeld, Frm. CNN Pres.
"In no area are we cutting into the muscle of the company. We need that muscle to grow and
compete." AOL Time Warner spokesman Ed Adler.
"Our intention is to put the spark back into this
place... we have to
be hard charging. We have to be hungry and we have to be feisty."
Eason Jordan, former newsroom flunky-turned
President of news
gathering.
"CNN executives will not lack for
assets. It's about winning. It's not about money."
Terry McGuirk, Chmn., TBS |
"Without
one of those nifty golden parachutes, getting
laid off - eh, I mean gravity - really blows,
blows, blows. Happy landings."
"Basically we used the same line we threw
out when we sold him on Rick Kaplan. Why
not stick with what works?"
"CNN's new format - can you say 'Fox News
Channel reruns?' The Viagra helps
too."
"Say, get an eyeful of my muscle, I'll bet
you wouldn't even know it's a tube sock...
unless of course you looked really, really
close. Right? Right?"
"It doesn't really matter how many people
actually watch CNN as long as my, I mean, THE
stock is strong. Yeah, yeah, so a few
hundred veteran journalists got kicked to the
curb in the process, cry me a river."
"Sweet Jesus, I don't know what's in this
cocktail, but I believe I'll have another!" |
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TED'SSTOCKSHOCK
|
|
Do sagging
ratings relate to stock revenue? They don't help -
unless Greenspan steps in. What has it cost Ted personally since Feb. 1?
$48.5 Million
LOST
HOW MUCH IS
THAT?: Enough to keep those laid off from CNN
employed for another 1.21 years, or, 5.39 times the price
Ted paid for the Braves in 1976, or, 8,079 first class
airfares for Garth Ancier.
(Figure based on April 26, 2001 AOL closing price) |
Exclusive!
Audio taken from CNN
Center on the day layoffs were announced. Very disturbing.
CLICK
HEAR TO LISTEN
NBC'S NEW SHOCK JOCKETTE WEIGHS
IN ON CNN EXECS
Anne spars with program exec Garth Ancier
CLICK
TO LISTEN
Anne on CNN "Superdesk"
CLICK
HERE TO LISTEN
Anne clears up ratings
slide at CNN
CLICK
HERE TO LISTEN
Inside.com on
TedsTurnovers
Fired CNN Staffers Use the Web For Revenge
A site called tedsturnovers.com delivers newsroom gossip, biting critiques and some links to earlier work of new CNN hire.
FULL
STORY
Laying off CNN's Layoffs
Compared with other major dailies, the Washington Post's coverage of lay-offs at CNN was thin. Why?
FULL
STORY
JOB SHACK>
(Give these site a look... some you
may already know. Drop us a line if you land a new job.)
TWO PRODUCER POSITIONS
AVAILABLE AT CNN ATLANTA
(See "Resume
Station" for details)
Keep tabs on industry lay-offs
and opportunities.
Because misery loves
company.
(National reach for on and
off-air positions)
(Media recruiting
service... old and new)
(Various job hunting tools)
(You already know these guys)
FlashbackFact
WHAT IF THEODORE HAD
LISTENED... WHAT IF?
November 2000
Dear Ted Turner,
With CNN's ratings down and its corporate future uncertain, the network's founder should do something bold to nurture and protect his legacy.
FULL
STORY
 |
Best
Wishes!
Send a free e-card to
former colleagues. Add music, animation... the
works. They'll love it! |
What's Next at CNN?
Choose which show, or
shows, you believe need to be overhauled if CNN is to get out of
its ratings slump.
(hold down CTRL key to make more than one choice)
RESULTS: (as
of April 27, 2001)
23%... TalkBack Live
21%... The Point With Greta
20%... The Spin Room
19%... Wolf Blitzer Reports
17%... Larry King Live
PLANES, TRAINS, AND
UNEMPLOYMENT FOR ROCHELLE
JESSE GETTIN'
GIGGY WITH AOL-TIME WARNER
 |
(Vein,
Me.) No word on whether CNN will hang with Jesse
after his diddle problem. Rumor is Jackson's got
an eye on Greta, reminding her that when she's with him,
"You've got male, baby." |
CNN NO LONGER
FONDA JANE - "PEOPLE COUNT" GETS THE HOOK
 |
(Atlanta,
Ga.) Even if you're Ted's former squeeze your
job's not safe. Fonda's threat to set herself on
fire on "Talkback Live" didn't even
help. Despite being turned over by Ted, Fonda
says, "He's no slouch in bed."
[CLICK HERE FOR MORE JANE
ON TED] |
KING JOHN NOT
LONG FOR THE WEST WING
 |
(Washington,
D.C.) Government go-to guy John King bound for
ABC. "It's easier to say on-air than CNN, and
it reminds me of the Jackson 5 song - I love that kooky
tune." |
Other
places to visit:
Email madness
Keep in touch
with those who got the boot. Misery, as they say,
loves company.
Resume
station
With the glut of
quality ex-CNNers out there, the competition may be our
strongest ally. They can see you here.
Daze
gone bye
A gallery of
photo memories taken before Bloody Monday.
Inside
tales
Not to be
confused with the Greek porn site, letters from those
whom used to call Ted daddy.
Listen
up!
Still feel
devotion to CNN? Offer up some original ideas for
the network, since their sources are too often other
news outlets.
Layoff
update
Personal stories
of success, and sorrow, following the Monday Massacre |
The question is, has Ted
handed you your head?
|
